I often experience my life in bite size chunks - in moments of connection stolen between deadlines and distractions. No wonder I feel disconnected at times. It's never more true than it is with my inbox. Who can I answer quickly? Who can I delete? Who looks entertaining? Who is overdue? The ones requiring more than simple triage tend to build up at the bottom of the box - hidden beneath the fold. There I am spared the guilt of looking at them - guilt born of the knowledge that I have neglected them. It is now easier to continue the neglect than it is to 'look them in the eye'. Yet the silly thing is - these are people I value deeply. The only problem is that there is something I value more - self justification. At what point do we manage to strip away the posturing and pretense of a guarded life and enter the presence of another - fully responsive to their humanity and transparent with our own shortcomings?
Kevin Clements gave me a clue. We had a brief catch up this week that still has me pondering. He reminded me of the role that our eyes play - not just in the physical act of seeing another - but in the deeper idea of seeing 'into' another and, at the same time, being seen - for who we really are. It is in this face-to-face, eye-to-eye gaze that we let go of the games and just enjoy being present with another.
Nothing illustrates this better than Marina Abramovic's recent exhibition at the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) in New York:
What is amazing is the effect this has on those people who engage with her. Many were literally brought to tears as the openness of the artist stripped them bare. This captivating site shows the faces of several of her counterparts - in that moment of realisation. Check the times. The last face, the one on the third page, holds me captive each time I look at her.
I am not suggesting that we have the time or the inclination to sit and stare with someone for minutes or hours on end - but I am posing a possibility. What if we consciously began to look for moments where we can remove the shades and shadows from our eyes - and connect with another eye to eye? What if we took that moment to wonder what it might be like for them when I treat them as a mere transaction and how that might change if I took the time to see and be seen? Maybe I can organise my inbox so that the one's who have been waiting the longest are the first to be greeted each day. If I took the time to honestly consider them each time I enter that space would that be enough to stop me hiding behind my busy excuses?
Maybe there is a lesson in the Zulu greeting 'sakubona' - I see you. A lesson that was being learned by the people who sat with Marina? Can we do more than we are doing with our eyes and, through that, become more than we are being? What's your experience with this? Food for thought...
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