Making great relationships

What is it that makes a great relationship - at home or at work?  What sets apart the great ones from the rest?  How do some get it so right while others continually struggle?

My friend Rob shared something in a workshop last week that has got me thinking.  He was commenting on the fact that many 'more experienced' couples would come to him and his wife and ask the secret of their amazing relationship.  The answer was disarmingly simple - "every morning we get up and work on it".

This reminded me of the 10,000 hour rule found in Malcolm Gladwell's book on success called Outliers.  In this book he goes beyond the overused excuse that some people are just more talented than others and proposes some interesting alternatives:

 

The correlation between the mastery we achieve and our diligence in practicing it are compelling.  Regardless of the talent we may or may not start with - effort is required.  10,000 hours of it to be precise.  Simply watching the clock won't get us there.  We have to get up each morning and work at it.  I know that if I don't work on my fitness it deteriorates.  My expanding waistline over the last 20 years can testify to that.  The same is also true of my relationships - mastery comes from what I put in and not from what I take out.

It has made me wonder about the relationships in my life - at home, at work, in the community etc.  Do I get up every morning and work on helping things go right - or do I simply go with the flow until something goes wrong and then blame my heart out.  I know I have had 10,000 hours in relationship but the question might be asked - "how many of those hours have I spent working on actively helping things go right?"

Maybe I need to learn from Rob and spend more time actively 'working on it'.  Food for thought ...

Comments

[Sarai Cosgrove]

You always put things so well :)

I'm going to take a slightly different approach with this (i.e. one that is not relationship-centric) and make a chart with 10,000 squares on it. Every time I practice the violin for one hour, I'll colour in one square. It's an idea that animates me, because since I don't have a way to learn theory right now I can't sit a trinity exam. As a result I don't have a quantifiable goal and have struggled with making time to practice.

I can hardly wait to fill the first box!

Love the wider applications you discussed too :)

Thanks, Dad xoxo