How would you handle an invitation to war?

Have you ever received an invitation to war?  Did it come with an RSVP deadline?  I got one last week.  One of the things I do, outside of Arbinger, is manage a golf team in the local 18 hole interclub competition.  Last week we were playing at another, flasher course so, knowing I was going to be out of town for most of the week, I contacted them early to get the starting time for our match.  8.22 am.  Great!  I love the smell of cut grass in the morning (especially when someone else has cut it :-).  I contact my team and let them know. Everything is sorted - or so I think.

Late on the Wednesday evening, before the match, I get an e-mail from the opposing club forwarded to me with the start time now set at 12.30.  What the (insert the bleep that works for you)?  Are they messing with us?  Are they just arrogant?  Is this just incompetence?  I rang them up the next day and no-one could tell me why the time was changed - it just was.

I found myself planning revenge.  I lost 2 of my better players for the match because of schedule clashes.  I started planning how to 'stick it to them' when it is our turn to host.  I found myself running the opposition down to anyone who had ears.

There is only one problem.  What if it wasn't an invitation to war?  What if it was just a mistake?  What if the change was to help someone out?  When we turned up on Saturday and I asked the question - it become clear very early that the time had never been changed - there had just been an error in communication - either at their end or mine.  Even though I am constantly surrounded by better explanations - I always choose the ones that suit me.  To add insult to injury - they whooped us.  Could it be that the victim card I dealt to my players undermined their ability to enjoy the game?

The other club did nothing wrong.  There was no invitation to war.  There was just me, in the box towards them, looking for proof that would justify my prejudice.  When I am like this I am already at war and everything they do is an aggravating invitation - regardless of what it is.  Their very existence offends me.  How many conflicts in my life would be prevented if I looked for better explanations instead of just the convenient ones?  What if the invitation was posted by me?  What if it always is.

Food for thought ...

p.s. Todays clip is unrelated to the post but it says something about the magic of the moment - when people connect.  It is about 18 minutes but I think it is worth the investment as Sarah Kay has something to say and an engaging way of saying it.

 

Comments

[chris.roberts@balkanu.com.au]

I have been in the situation of the "inviter" often where the way in which I communicated something has been ambiguous or open to change. My response has as often been "why can't these people just think the best of me". If there has been a mistake or a communication breakdown why can't they just assume I have the best intentions?

I have been in the situation of being the "invitee" often where the way in which I have chosen to interpret the message or my response to it if it has been modified has been precisely what I detest myself. I sometimes "do not think the best" of the inviter.

The lesson (again, and that I am somehow very slow to learn) is "the one thing" Cossie wrote about a week or two ago, that one thing for me is "do unto others as you would like them to do unto you". Not necessarily in the Christian sense just in the common sense:-)